Monday, August 18, 2008

2 Sides 2 Every Story

So I've already admitted I'm pretty judgemental. You tell me something and I'll have an opinion on it--a lot of times without having the full story. Of course if you are a friend I'm most likely going to side with your perspective of what went down...sometimes it's just oh-so wrong. And when it is I'll admit it.

There is this person I thought I couldn't stand. I thought she (or he) was the biggest loser, jerk, waste of space, etc. You get what I mean. Well it was by chance that I ended up sitting my this person for over 2 hours straight just chatting (read as me being nosey and this person actually opening up and answering my nosey questions). And what I learned was--well, this person is not so bad. And maybe (gasp!) I could actually like this person and be friends with them.

Here's the deal--all the things I heard were bad. I never heard anything positive--and if I did I can't remember what it was so it must not have been that great. getting to talking, I learned a lot more, had easy conversation, was able to discuss life, religion (no politics) and not feel weird about it. Then I thought--has this person been misunderstood? Probably.

There are always 2 sides to every story. And when you are on the friend end of one side you are biased into thinking that person is the one that is in the right--and maybe they are. But what if you were given the chance to learn more about the other side and realize maybe the other side makes more sense to you? Puts you in a weird position with the friend. Man I'm rambling.

Then I think--what if it was me in this person's position? Would I have been stupid enough to let the domino effect happen in my life to bring me to a place I really don't seem like I want to be? Or rather, get trapped into it? Ok, maybe this person isn't trapped, but they don't seem like they have the freedom to be the person they want to be. Which makes them a person people don't really know...or like. Reminds me of that part in the movie Parenthood where Steve Martin's character is having a fight with his wife and has to leave to coach little league. The wife goes, 'Do you have to go now?' and he says, 'My whole life is 'have to'.

And maybe that's just it--for all the negative things I had heard about this person I realized they are just in the wrong life situation (in my 2cents opinion). It totally reminds me of the lyrics to the end of Howard Jones' song 'What Is Love': And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be--the door always must be left unlocked. To love when circumstance may lead someone away from you--and not to spend the time just doubting'. I could never live like that so I'm fascinated (and feel bad for) people that can.

I think about this person and how it could possibly be if they lived another life--alas even though I'd like to think it's never too late, it probably is. And it makes me sad. I can't imagine what it must be like to suppress who you are and want to be--talk about compromise. And how long can one do that without feeling resentful, unhappy, unfulfilled? Or maybe I should have said how long can one live feeling resentful, unhappy and unfulfilled?

Maybe this person is none of those things--after all, it was just a conversation. And I read into everything.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Rainbow Bright

Today I heard that the California courts overturned the ban on gay marriage--I was walking by the TV and the words I heard were 'it is a basic human right to marry who you love'. I almost cried. It's so true and it is the right thing to do. I am so happy to live in a state that is not just progressive but open to basic human rights.

I know there will be a lot of people that are against gay marriage and I am already anticipating the protesters (in my conservative neighborhood). They are entitled to their beliefs and their opinions. But really, when you strip it down and get past religion and tradition, it really is about what is real--and the opportunity for individuals to choose who they want to grow old with and to have it recognized legally.

When you think about what it is to be in a relationship--straight or gay, it all comes down to the two individuals. Not their sex. I know people in really bad straight marriages yet they have rights when it comes to their spouse that a gay couple in a truly loving relationship does not have. How does that make any sense? I love the Chris Rock joke about giving gays the right to marry--as 'they deserve to be as miserable as the rest of us' hahahaha. All jokes aside...


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Monkey Hands

So a few years ago my husband told me about this monkey trap made out of a coconut shell. Hunters will put a piece of fruit or a nut on the inside of the shell then cut a small hole on one side so a monkey can put their hand in it and grasp the fruit. It is made small enough so the monkey's hand goes in but if in a fist, it can't come out. The monkey, wanting the 'prize' won't let go of the fruit. So he's basically stuck. If he would just let go, he could pull his hand out and be free.

The reason this came up was because we were talking about this couple we know that seems to basically just tolerate eachother rather than really want to be together. I know why the hub won't leave (money) I know why she won't leave (money/lifestyle). So I started calling her the monkey hand. She can get out, but she wants what she wants so she's stuck.

Living in a gated (sort of) community and having friends who have now been married over the 7 year itch, I see it all the time. My sister had a friend who emailed her this rant about her husband most likely cheating on her, then calling him on it, making him break off the affair (he didn't choose to do it on his own) and then at the end of the email saying well at least she got the newest Chanel tote out of it. Nice. Your respect, dignity and overall womanhood can be bought for a Chanel bag. Gross.

I know, I know...there are two sides to every story, it's not easy to leave, I don't live in their shoes, blah blah blah blah. Bottom line is people know what is right for them and what they are willing to live with. Maybe it's easy for me to say because I'm not in that situation. But I would like to think that if I were I wouldn't hold on.

We all make compromises and sacrifices when we get married and even more so when we have kids. But I don't feel trapped. I certainly don't feel as though I would clutch onto a Chanel handbag as a consolation prize. Yuck.

You just have to open your hand and let go.