So a few years ago my husband told me about this monkey trap made out of a coconut shell. Hunters will put a piece of fruit or a nut on the inside of the shell then cut a small hole on one side so a monkey can put their hand in it and grasp the fruit. It is made small enough so the monkey's hand goes in but if in a fist, it can't come out. The monkey, wanting the 'prize' won't let go of the fruit. So he's basically stuck. If he would just let go, he could pull his hand out and be free.
The reason this came up was because we were talking about this couple we know that seems to basically just tolerate eachother rather than really want to be together. I know why the hub won't leave (money) I know why she won't leave (money/lifestyle). So I started calling her the monkey hand. She can get out, but she wants what she wants so she's stuck.
Living in a gated (sort of) community and having friends who have now been married over the 7 year itch, I see it all the time. My sister had a friend who emailed her this rant about her husband most likely cheating on her, then calling him on it, making him break off the affair (he didn't choose to do it on his own) and then at the end of the email saying well at least she got the newest Chanel tote out of it. Nice. Your respect, dignity and overall womanhood can be bought for a Chanel bag. Gross.
I know, I know...there are two sides to every story, it's not easy to leave, I don't live in their shoes, blah blah blah blah. Bottom line is people know what is right for them and what they are willing to live with. Maybe it's easy for me to say because I'm not in that situation. But I would like to think that if I were I wouldn't hold on.
We all make compromises and sacrifices when we get married and even more so when we have kids. But I don't feel trapped. I certainly don't feel as though I would clutch onto a Chanel handbag as a consolation prize. Yuck.
You just have to open your hand and let go.