So I've already admitted I'm pretty judgemental. You tell me something and I'll have an opinion on it--a lot of times without having the full story. Of course if you are a friend I'm most likely going to side with your perspective of what went down...sometimes it's just oh-so wrong. And when it is I'll admit it.
There is this person I thought I couldn't stand. I thought she (or he) was the biggest loser, jerk, waste of space, etc. You get what I mean. Well it was by chance that I ended up sitting my this person for over 2 hours straight just chatting (read as me being nosey and this person actually opening up and answering my nosey questions). And what I learned was--well, this person is not so bad. And maybe (gasp!) I could actually like this person and be friends with them.
Here's the deal--all the things I heard were bad. I never heard anything positive--and if I did I can't remember what it was so it must not have been that great. Well...in getting to talking, I learned a lot more, had easy conversation, was able to discuss life, religion (no politics) and not feel weird about it. Then I thought--has this person been misunderstood? Probably.
There are always 2 sides to every story. And when you are on the friend end of one side you are biased into thinking that person is the one that is in the right--and maybe they are. But what if you were given the chance to learn more about the other side and realize maybe the other side makes more sense to you? Puts you in a weird position with the friend. Man I'm rambling.
Then I think--what if it was me in this person's position? Would I have been stupid enough to let the domino effect happen in my life to bring me to a place I really don't seem like I want to be? Or rather, get trapped into it? Ok, maybe this person isn't trapped, but they don't seem like they have the freedom to be the person they want to be. Which makes them a person people don't really know...or like. Reminds me of that part in the movie Parenthood where Steve Martin's character is having a fight with his wife and has to leave to coach little league. The wife goes, 'Do you have to go now?' and he says, 'My whole life is 'have to'.
And maybe that's just it--for all the negative things I had heard about this person I realized they are just in the wrong life situation (in my 2cents opinion). It totally reminds me of the lyrics to the end of Howard Jones' song 'What Is Love': And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be--the door always must be left unlocked. To love when circumstance may lead someone away from you--and not to spend the time just doubting'. I could never live like that so I'm fascinated (and feel bad for) people that can.
I think about this person and how it could possibly be if they lived another life--alas even though I'd like to think it's never too late, it probably is. And it makes me sad. I can't imagine what it must be like to suppress who you are and want to be--talk about compromise. And how long can one do that without feeling resentful, unhappy, unfulfilled? Or maybe I should have said how long can one live feeling resentful, unhappy and unfulfilled?
Maybe this person is none of those things--after all, it was just a conversation. And I read into everything.
