Friday, June 08, 2007

My So Called Friend

So it's been forever since I've written something--I guess I don't have too much excitement brewing.

The most recent thing that has happened is I've had yet another falling out with one of my so called 'friends'. A funny thing happens to you when you start actually realizing you are growing up. It takes awhile but you come to a point where you don't really give a crap about what people think about you. This happened to me once I had a child. Okay, maybe it happened earlier on but it really took hold once I had my son.

It's very liberating to get to a point in your life where you feel comfortable in who you are and know that the people that really 'get' you and love you--actually love you for all your flaws, quirks, an politically incorrect ways. You feel freedom to be who you want to be (tattoos and all). So the people who claim to be your friends either grow up with you and get it or, well, they don't. And vice versa.

I'm 38 now. The closest I ever want to be in a 'high school' type of relationship is helping plan my 20 year high school reunion. Who has time to accommodate and nuture a friendship that is negative, draining, judgemental and an overall DOWNER? Uh, not me.

I want and choose to be around people (especially women friends) who are real, fun, supportive, uplifting, interesting, intelligent, genuine, open, honest...they make me a better version of who I am--kick ass people that don't put up with the BS that some people settle with then complain about and basically whose unhappiness is only minimized when you, their 'dear' friend, is unhappy too. Whoever said 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' may not have known the difference between a friend and an enemy--or as SJP coined the phrase in Sex and the City, the 'frenemy'.

I recently had dinner with an old co-worker/friend I hadn't seen in about 8 years. We had such a great, fun, open conversation that it made me realize one of my longtime friends was the exact opposite and that I had been seeing her out of obligation rather than out of sincerity. It seems to me better friendships happen as you get older and are more sure of who you are and who you want to be in your world. A friend from the past who has never developed further than where you were isn't likely to be able to keep up with where you are wanting to go. Or grow.

Sometimes it's just that--people out grow's almost like a marriage in that if both partners don't grow and suppport eachother it is very likely to crumble and well, be better for both parties to just move on and accept the fact that they don't really have much in common anymore except the past. Once you recognize all you have is the history of what was, and nothing of what IS in the present, there really is no point in dragging it out, knowing the future will be the same fake smiles.

Negativity in any form is draining. But negativity in small doses over years and years is like a sickness that you know is coming on but you try to ignore then to fight and you realize you can't anymore--you have to give in and admit you are ill. You have to try and combat it by doing what you can to make it better. Sometimes what is better is admitting it's bad, letting go, and moving on. It becomes a release and a relief.

And so, after much consideration, long talks, emails, phone conversations and basic venting, etc., it was time to turn my energy away from the draining negativity and back to where it belongs--to the true friends I am lucky, grateful, blessed to have. The sad thing is knowing you are better off without your 'so called friend' and that you should have done it a long time ago!


Queen Scarlett said...

I LOVE THIS POST. This is exactly what I've been having running through my head but haven't yet articulated. SO... now I don't have to. You said it sistah!!! LOVE YOUR BLOG...

piadelrosario said...

Gotta stick with the girls that raise you up, not tear you down! WE ROCK! hahahahahaha