Married with Children

I read one of the best articles on being a parent yesterday--it's called 'Does Fatherhood Make You Happy?' by Daniel Gilbert: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1202940,00.html

It questions our need to feel as though our children bring us happiness regularly. That's what everyone wants to say and what we want people to think but the truth is parenthood is HARD. And I only have one kid!

I have never loved anyone as much as I love my son. In the article Gilbert says:
"Our children give us many things, but an increase in our average daily happiness is probably not among them. Rather than deny that fact, we should celebrate it. Our ability to love beyond all measure those who try our patience and weary our bones is at once our most noble and most human quality." I love that. I love how honest it is.

Anyone who is married that thinks having a child will make a marriage better or give you a stronger bond is in for a rude awakening. Al and I were married 7 years before I had James. I was never afraid of preganancy--I was more afraid of after and raising a little person. I recall telling a girlfriend that I really felt I was at a point I was ready--then I got pregnant a month later. The truth is you are NEVER ready. Having a child and going through the newborn phase is a stressful and an extremely trying, not to mention tiring time. If you don't have a spouse that helps out--good luck! Here is a tip--if your significant other doesn't help with the household chores or the beloved pet, chances are you are going to be doing 90% of the work it takes with a child.

I have friends who complain complain complain about their husbands not doing enough to help out. I feel for them but come on, after awhile you have to either DO something about it or stop complaining--after all, their spouse is the person they chose to marry AND have kids with. I know it sounds harsh but hello--if a man isn't going to step up for their family, then they aren't going to step up for anything.

One of my friends left her husband because he was a 'disappointing father'. I'm sure there is more to it but I admire her for knowing what life she wanted for herself and her son. It takes guts to do it on your own. I would feel the same way if Al was a slacker. Luckily he's not. Phew.